LEADERSHIP INCOMPETENCY KNOWS NO BOUNDS: BE IT INTELLECTUALS OR OUR HONOR-REBEL

"Seated back watching our intellectual, one could not toy around with the hypothesis that Kenyan youths will ever be used and misused for Machiavellian prospects...With the current interest in political matters, money is the motivation not joy to serve

VARSITY ELECTION, WHAT A SHAME ON INTELLECTUALISM

The cyclic wave of political incorrectness in Kenya must be broken. As much as we envisage the much coveted vision 2030, much has to be done if at all it is something to go by. It’s only in Kenya where anything, anybody and everything must have a political slant in one way or another. If you get heckled because of your traitor-ship, it's politics. Kenyans not reading the constitution, it's politics. And speaking of constitution (allow me to digress briefly), after taking a choreographed research, the shockingly leading place where the steamy harmonized constitution has not been read totally, is in our varsities. Wonder what we can do if we cannot dissect such an important document-- making noise on Uhuru Highway? Universities are the apples of Kenyans’ eyes much as I hate to admit it. In fact I am completely dumb-founded, like any other Kenyan, by my fellow UoN brains. It is not the rampage, it is not the raucous cacophony, it is not the burning of precious properties worth millions, it is not their paralysis of the traffic despite our incapability to beat the jam on our roads. How do you burn a Mercedes Benz worth millions to protest against re-election of some useless student leader who will not champion your rights anywhere except milk enough to replenish what s/he used to campaign with!

Today I couldn’t agree more, comparing politicians and SONU leaders, I wonder which defines us more. The just concluded SONU election has volumes to teach us: Kenya is teetering on the brink of hopelessness, simply because our politicians are no longer paragon of virtue for the youth to look upon.
The reduction and ultimate elimination of Kenyan’s poverty is the pre-eminent socioeconomic priority. This truth must be part of the university commitment to the development and dissemination of knowledge. The challenge of our intellectuals is to rekindle the citizenry’s dying embers of revolutionary particularly in public offices. But does leadership incompetency’s know no bounds? The sheer displays of political reincarnation in our student intellectuals not only put a grim caricature of what was once a beautiful leadership in campuses but also slacken our realization of real change- the Kenya we want. When we capture student organization of Nairobi university (SONU) elections, Kenyan deteriorating politics comes into big picture and this is not just another case of crying ‘wolf’. Seated back watching our intellectual, one could not toy around with the hypothesis that Kenyan youths will ever be used and misused for Machiavellian prospects. In case you disagree, focus on this eye-opener of a lifetime. I played an partly active role in the SONU election 2010/2011 and I have a testament testimony. First the game has no rule.

With the current interest in political matters, money is the motivation not joy to serve. God fearing me could not hold back my trauma when I saw real brains voting somebody depending on the amount of liquor he’s ‘splashed’ out. This is an enchantment that makes people behave ‘well’ during their campaigns, chanting incantations like “Osianyi forever, Never without Osianyi”, lie in front of a speeding car while invariably reminding people “I am not drunk!” Consequently, the business of’ security’ measures and counter aggression squads of ‘nyaunyo waving’ ethnic goons are jolted into action. If one proclaimed that violent politicians in the nation are bred in the University of Nairobi, I will easily buy it. (But this is where I throw in a disclaimer and say not all politicians are just that).

The discrepancy of chieftainship cannot be marginalized to politicians alone. I was dumbfounded, like any other Kenyan that tribalism thrives well among the cream of the crop. The unfolding event underlines the urgent need to educate our “Osianys, Muendos, Cheruiyots and Ng'ang'as” how to handle matters sagaciously particularly ethnic equation fallacy. The so called stalwarts plainly demonstrate immaturity when they blindly adopt to ballot somebody by the virtue of his or her mother-tongue and not specifically on the leadership touchstones. They believe leadership is a birthright and nothing less. I wonder why we complain over their undoing and not delivering.
Comrades, is there such a thing as taking a good idea too far? Yes, of course but not for the less moneyed. The eyesore posters from the public benches to the wash-room sinks cannot be overlooked. The fake phony opinion polls are an equivalent of local Synovate Opinion group. The Gallup poll, like any other, is engineered and choreographed from the ‘centre’ and devoid of a homogenous statistics with the aim of swaying voters at these amenable moments.

Contestants talk the talk but never walk it. ”I will ensure hot milk supply to your rooms...I promise you a reloaded SONU of the days of Karl Max...” are the examples of the fantastic election pledges that incite many. The many who’ll never use the hindsight to foretell the future. But after triumph, like honorable so and so elsewhere, the change their phone numbers and become inaccessible to the ordinary mortals who placed them at the point they hang from.

So why am I writing this? The answer is three dimensional. In pointing out the major difficulties attendant to changing the way Kenyans live, I do not wish to cast doubt on the authenticity of people’s desire for better way of living. However, old habits die hard. The ball is in our court, we have to switch habit to habitat mode when it comes to politics. Sit-ins, setting up and leading think tanks, and engaging in sober and reasoned open debates is the absolution. And as crème de la crème of the society, change has to start with us right here right now, all these in a bid to invite reason to prevail in political arena, distilling constitutional etiquette. We shall only be fully liberated, as history has proven, when our leaders (SONU or elsewhere) understand the real meaning of simplicity and upload joy in serving.

Given our incomplete knowledge of better politics we cannot rule out the possibility of shocking surprises to our economy. Let us do it while we still can, trying hard to reconcile the mishap that is a slap in the face of our intellectualism. For now, all this chest thumping and scramble for ‘power’ will drive us deeper into quagmire. Is it politics or Kenyan? What portfolio does one get by serving in as the 'unwanted' leader? Time and hard work will tell.
ALPHONCE MAGATI

NOAH AND THE ARK IN kenya

"Noah Was stopped further building the ark because:-- Kibera wants a railway built first in the Ark, KRA seized all his assets claiming he is trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. If he is sufficiently philanthropic to build the ark, he should pay for Ken McOrende... "Noah’s Ark in Kenya

“There’s gonna be El-Niño,” Lord said to Noah, “in six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole country is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and the two of every kind of living things. I’m telling you to build yourself an Ark,” instructed the Lord. And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specification of the Ark.

“Ok,” said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.

Six months elapsed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in front of his Mathare Yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.

“Noah,” shouted the Lord, “where is the Ark?” A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah for Emphasis.

“Lord, please forgive me,” beseeched Noah, I did my best. But there were big problems:-

1. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn’t meet IEK Code which I never knew it existed before then. So I had to hire an engineer from a Business School (KCA) to redraw the plans. He is the one D.M. wanjohi trusts
2. My building the Ark in the Mathare front yard was objected. It was claimed that I WAS VIOLATING ZONING SINCE A superhighway was to pass there for the first time. So I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
3. Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Mau Forest. I had to convince the government I needed the wood to save the Gema, squatters, etc. But they wouldn’t let me…
4. Then the Kenya Airways carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the COTU before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we’ve got sixteen carpenters going on the boat..
5. Then I started gathering up the animals and got sued by an animal’s rights group (G12). They objected to me taking only two of each kind. It’s conjugally un-right.
6. The Migingo residents claim they’re used to swimming for long hours long time now, and they have their own boats. In fact unless all the forty brothels and two toilets are closed is when they can reconsider my case.
7. UoN students want to gather stones first (the ones Mutua used to beautify Nairobi) so that incase of electricity rationing in the Ark they’ll do what they do mostly best.
8. Father Jimmy also wants to declare that he has “only one dear wife” so that “hakuna haja…kusema nani ni nani…hapana, wacha hiyo kumbafu sana”
9. Kibera want a railway built first in the Ark
10. Horrible members of Parliament are in recess for three and half months. I have to wait till they table the bill on the floor of the House deciding whether the Ark will help tap Rift Valley Voters…
11. I cannot trace the same members because they changed names to become next Obamas in 2012, (Yes We Kana)

• John Ochuki
• Olonzo Mak’Osyoka
• Geoge Atoti
• Martha Orwa
• Ohuru K’Onyatto
• Beth Ougo
• William Outo Ony
• 
  

12. Right now I’m still trying to solve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Karamojongs I’m supposed to hire. How many CPAs, etc do they have from River Road?

13. KRA has seized all my assets claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. If I’m sufficiently philanthropic to build the ark, I should pay for Ken McOrende.

“I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years.” Noah wailed, “Until 2012” The sky began to shine. A rainbow arched the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. “You mean you are not going to destroy Kenya?” Noah asked hopefully.

“Wrong,” thundered the Lord. “but being Lord, I fully intend to smite Kenya, but with something Kenyan invented by themselves in the Fablab.

“What is that?” asked Noah

There was a long pause, and then the Lord Spaket his last words “COALITION GOVERNMENT.”

"They won't get any constitution till they respect me, as their LORD!"

Yours Truly Alphonce