CRAZY INTERVIEW ANSWERS THAT WORK
magati alphonce
It is no secret that finding a job in this economy is becoming difficult at best and nobody’s idea of fun too. But is it justified??
(You can opt to jump to the middle of this article for laughter.)
(You can opt to jump to the middle of this article for laughter.)
- Employment no longer based on merit. Quite often the do-you-know-anyone factor and mundane criterion such as tribalism override merit
- Interviews done for the sake of formality to escort predetermined ones.
- Read some of the laugh-out-loud hysterical answers to..
- Why are you leaving your current position?
- What kind of computer software are you proficient in?
- Why do you want to work for us?
- What are your strengths and weaknesses?
- Leadership skills?
- Your Goals?
SiRi Magatzine>> It is no secret that finding a job in this economy is becoming difficult at best and nobody’s idea of fun too. But is it justified??
In his open letter to the new Director of KACC, my favourite writer of all times and Senior Editor in the Standard Group, Otuma Ongalo aka Double OO reminded PLO of the adamant here-to-stay poison—nepotism. He articulately put it this like this, “...employment in many public institutions is no longer based on merit. Quite often do-you-know-anyone factor and mundane criterion such as tribalism override merit. Many jobs are advertised but only to attract some individuals to ‘escort’ the predetermined ones. The advertisements are tailor-made to suit certain individuals and interview convened at their convenience.” This big piece of truth crystallised the other day when we held interviews at organisation X (name withheld deliberately). The process was not only (mis)managed clumsily but also exhibited senseless and stupefying favouritism and nepotism. The incident underscored our tolerance to tribalism and corruption. At the end of the day, the people who were hired had neither the necessary qualification nor the best suitability criterion vis-a-vis the left lot of seekers.
But one wise man said you cannot change circumstances by complaining. But you can by being appreciative and making fun out of gloom. And here is what I am doing. The following is the outstanding hilarious eavesdropped interview done to Mr. Omoding.
At the Guest's Lounge
At the Guest's Lounge
First the interviewer came into the lobby to pick up Omoding. As he stood up, his trousers fell to the floor! “Fuck,” he muttered as he passed the poker-faced interviewer.
In the Boardroom
Edited for clarity
Tell us something about yourself
Aha! Well...! I thought I was the guest here and for that matter you had to give me an illusion of yourselves first!
But, nevertheless, if you insist, my name is Alima Omoding; I am bald, fat and get annoyed easily. I went to Nkubu Boys which probably should be North or South from here, you know, I am not good with maps and direction. Remember I come from Nyanza, that’s a fact, and you already know what that means...
What does it mean?
OK, it means nothing.
What can you bring to this position?
(Stares at the entire floor) A new carpet and a new play-station 9
Equally, I would be great asset to the events team because I party all the time. Yes, I think now we are talking...
Why are you leaving your current position?
I was fired by my senseless boss because I had problems in waking up. I used to explain that late to bed, late to rise but it fell on deaf ears. You see I have to finish an episode or two for Season 4 Heroes. By the way he didn’t know who my father is...
How long have you worked there?
Two months.
What kind of computer software are you proficient in?
Software?! You mean those programming languages that are hard nut to crack even by computer scientist? But I think I know how to start a computer and type in Word and maybe play Spider Solitaire.
Why do you want to work for us?
Mainly for two reasons: One, I saw the vacancy posted on Facebook—by the way I am in FB and I command more than 1,000 friend list. Yes, I saw it on facebook and decided why not!
Two, my parents told me I need to get a job to support myself and stop asking for some pocket money for partying and stuff like that...you know, nowadays the price of beer is escalating too fast.
Are you sure you want this job?
Are you asking me? Is that a trick question? C’mon men, get serious!
This Article is the sole work of Magati alphonce
This Article is the sole work of Magati alphonce
What are your strengths and weaknesses?
Well as you can verify, I am young, virile man and above all I am single – if you ladies know exactly what I am saying. (Omoding then looks at one of the pretty fair-skinned board member) I particularly like ‘laptops’...
For weakness, I don’t have any. I told you my parents are from Nyanza and even Engineer Raila Odinga is a friend to my dad.
Give us an example of when you demonstrated leadership skills.
Well my best example of would be in the world of computer game particularly ‘NFS’ and ‘King of the Road.’ I pretty much run the show, it is not easy bro.
On top of that, my leadership skills can be traced to last year when I organised a student strike when the administration mingled in our Elections.
Don't tell me you are proud of Rioting?
It's OK, I don't tell you
What are your goals for the next 5 years?
Probably Manchester
Do you have any Role model?
Yes, either Lil’ Wayne or Barrack Osama or sometimes Cristian Ronaldhino
How much do you expect to be paid?
Ummmmmmmh, between 300K – 500K. You see I want to buy an Audi Macerati by the end of this year. My galfriend dumped me because of a Toyota Vitz she saw in my neighbours aka a 'her boyfriend-material'.
Anything else we should know about you?
You should know probably I bull-fight every weekend
Do you have any question for us?
I have three questions:
I have three questions:
- How many young ladies work here?
- Does this company hold sleep-overs?
- Can my dad call you to talk about the job and the internship program?
(I didn’t hear right if it’s dad or uncle) later the dad/uncle called to reiterate that the boy should be absorbed immediately as the CEO knows about it.
You might think this is fiction; it is not. True story it is and the same guy is now comfortably “working” with the organisation simply because the influential uncle/dad endorsed him there. Not credentials, not background, not potential that mattered. But this didn’t kill our potential or our talents. We hope Kenya
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