"Noah Was stopped further building the ark because:-- Kibera wants a railway built first in the Ark, KRA seized all his assets claiming he is trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. If he is sufficiently philanthropic to build the ark, he should pay for Ken McOrende... "Noah’s Ark in Kenya
“There’s gonna be El-Niño,” Lord said to Noah, “in six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole country is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and the two of every kind of living things. I’m telling you to build yourself an Ark,” instructed the Lord. And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specification of the Ark.
“Ok,” said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
Six months elapsed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in front of his Mathare Yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.
“Noah,” shouted the Lord, “where is the Ark?” A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah for Emphasis.
“Lord, please forgive me,” beseeched Noah, I did my best. But there were big problems:-
- First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn’t meet IEK Code which I never knew it existed before then. So I had to hire an engineer from a Business School (KCA) to redraw the plans. He is the one D.M. wanjohi trusts
- My building the Ark in the Mathare front yard was objected. It was claimed that I WAS VIOLATING ZONING SINCE A superhighway was to pass there for the first time. So I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
- Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Mau Forest. I had to convince the government I needed the wood to save the Gema, squatters, etc. But they wouldn’t let me…
- Then the Kenya Airways carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the COTU before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we’ve got sixteen carpenters going on the boat..
- Then I started gathering up the animals and got sued by an animal’s rights group (G12). They objected to me taking only two of each kind. It’s conjugally un-right.
- The Migingo residents claim they’re used to swimming for long hours long time now, and they have their own boats. In fact unless all the forty brothels and two toilets are closed is when they can reconsider my case.
- UoN students want to gather stones first (the ones Mutua used to beautify Nairobi) so that incase of electricity rationing in the Ark they’ll do what they do mostly best.
- Father Jimmy also wants to declare that he has “only one dear wife” so that “hakuna haja…kusema nani ni nani…hapana, wacha hiyo kumbafu sana”
- Kibera want a railway built first in the Ark
- Horrible members of Parliament are in recess for three and half months. I have to wait till they table the bill on the floor of the House deciding whether the Ark will help tap Rift Valley Voters…
- I cannot trace the same members because they changed names to become next Obamas in 2012, (Yes We Kana)
- John Ochuki
- Olonzo Mak’Osyoka
- Geoge Atoti
- Martha Orwa
- Ohuru K’Onyatto
- Beth Ougo
- William Outo Ony
13. KRA has seized all my assets claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. If I’m sufficiently philanthropic to build the ark, I should pay for Ken McOrende.
“I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years.” Noah wailed, “Until 2012” The sky began to shine. A rainbow arched the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. “You mean you are not going to destroy Kenya?” Noah asked hopefully.
“Wrong,” thundered the Lord. “but being Lord, I fully intend to smite Kenya, but with something Kenyan invented by themselves in the Fablab.
“What is that?” asked Noah
There was a long pause, and then the Lord Spaket his last words “COALITION GOVERNMENT.”
"They won't get any constitution till they respect me, as their LORD!"
Yours Truly Alphonce
Yours Truly Alphonce
