7 NOTORIOUS TYPES OF COLLEGE STUDENTS

[RightInk]A friend of mine challenged me once that the worst college student you’ll ever come across is the one from the college of Veterinary Medicine or 'Chiromo' medicine. On questioning why, he claimed, in his warped mind, that it’s difficult to handle animals for too long and fail two act like one of them (small animal or big animal); or yet it's pretty hard to handle cadavers for too long and fail to be think like one(if at all they do think). To this effect, I decided to take a walk around campus to clarify my friend’s passion of how many types of --good or bad-- students we have and do they have to come from the same said vet pigsty or KNH morgue. Therefore, simulating my big brother Jeff, I say: ‘what a story, what a blog. You cannot find this kind of juicy articles anywhere else. Only right here  where we are all college-righting, all the blog, all the time.'

The following are the typical college losers so called students, read with me…
(1)Money-oriented, (2)Otiose, (3)the p.i.m.p., (4)friend-padder, (5)self-promoter, (6) Desperatta, (7)..
 

1.0 Money-oriented: ( aka the CMB wannabe)

Much as the tribal Kenyan would tell you this is a Kikuyu, on the contrary that is not the case. We all are in hierarchy or continuum of needs and financial security but for the particular money oriented guys everything is put on hold as they prioritize quenching their pockets. In the halls of residence, they’ll convert a room into miniscule ‘supermarket’ selling anything to everything from rotten tomatoes to expired condoms. Money making is the lens through which life is seen and understood creating usual imbalanced judgments.

Sometimes there are apparent noble reasons given for making the money, such as the desire to take care of one’s family or to supplement one’s income. It’s important and very OK. But to focus on money making as a full-time thought with profit as the decision or argument criterion, the initial interest becomes null and void.

These kinds of students, more often than not, usually are the active die-hards in strikes and demonstrations. They have a girlfriend from 'shags' who is usually enthralled by the varsity buildings than her man.

2.0 Book-oriented: (aka the Otiose)

Book oriented students usually become bookworms in every sense of the word, driving themselves to produce at the sacrifice of health, relationship, social life and other important areas of their lives. Their fundamental identity comes from their cramming of the ‘book’—“I know Thermodynamics,” “I beat them in Maths.” are the obvious consolations in their social deficiency.

Because their identity and sense of self-worth are wrapped-up in the book, their security is vulnerable to anything that happens to prevent them from continuing touching their book. These are the kind of people who will stop at nothing but at the brink of suicide if you defeat them even by a single mark. With this kind of remote-mentality, nurtured from their erstwhile high schools, they believe first-class is reading the book inside out and not sharing knowledge nor the book itself in the name that we are in a ‘competitive’ world.

Mostly in this category lie the remote men or the ugly and ugliest young women who see their books as their life. Their actions are limited by academician role models and lecturer perceptions of them.

3.0 Pleasure-oriented:(aka the P.i.m.p.)

We are living in a changing time where instant gratification is available and encouraged. Liquor, clubbing and movies are the key-words for this category. Movies graphically portray what other people have and can do in living the life of ease and “fun.” But while the glitter of pleasure is exalted, the natural result of such life-style to the inner person, productivity, thinking, is seldom accurately seen. Don’t misquote me, innocent pleasure in moderation can provide relaxation for body and mind and can foster learning and other activities.

The unfortunate bit for the pleasure loving student is they become narcissistic, interpreting all of life in terms of pleasure it provides. They make decisions based on what will give them the most pleasure.

Their order of the day is defined by too much music all day long, too many movies, too much video game playing, too much night-out any day of the week. It beats simple logic to offer yourself too much undisciplined leisure time with no good outcome on the other side of life. College education, to them means the future pleasure after this arduous learning biz.

SAFARICOM PROSTITUTION THEORY; HOW FAR IS TOO FAR...

1. Zain has gone up people’s estimation as the hero
2. Safaricom behave like CSW along
4. Memory-lane: owning a phone (Sagem), SIM cost, calling rate, texting.
5. Zain (ex-Kencell) locking horns with Telkom Kenya over Interconnection rates as it’s happening now with surf-com.
6. The surf-com prostitution theory
7. MJ to pay-off Infotrak and its ugly Ambitho to give polls that 94% of Kenyans are satisfied with surf-com and thus not ready to migrate


8. Koinange Street

(Siri)Indeed August was a month inundated with indelible histories. First it was the tremendous passing of the long-awaited new constitution, then it was David Rudisha’s world record fete, and then came in the HAKI YETU Tariff from Zain. This might sound like Kibera residents uprooting a tariff or their usual railway line. But on the contrary, it’s Zain up in arms fighting for the local man to call at cheaper rates. In fact, Zain has gone up in people’s estimation as the hero of all times. Picture this, a guy in Kariri-kania village or Kibera spends a maximum of Ksh. 20 for lunch and another Ksh. 20 for supper. But here is a communications service provider that gulps your Ksh. 12 just for a minute! What does that tell you? Either it’s robbery or network prostitution.

Down

Safaricom’s calling rates reminds me of commercial sex workers (CSW) along

Koinange Street

. But before taking on the surf-com’s prostitution theory, let’s take a walk down the memory lane. The year is 2001 when the first few phones landed in Kenya. Telcom® then was the communication giant until Kencell® roared by and took over the market like a tsunami. Back then, by the fact of just holding (leave alone owning) a Sagem® or a Motorolla® T190 could demand respect deluged your way. Men got wives by that stunt. Young boys taking their uncles’ phones for charging simplified their seduction extravaganza by playing with the gadget in front of their target (woman).

The cost of SIM card could buy two goats on those days. And once lost no replacement, you had to cough another Ksh. 4, 500 and nothing less. The calling rate kicked off at Ksh. 64 but the price was drawn down to Ksh. 47 per minute. That means if you said, ‘Hallo.’ and the call gets interrupted, 47/= had to go, just like that. Texting back then could require you get trained first how to access SMS option before enjoying. But thank goodness now we all know! And thank goodness Zain is here to stay.

Despite its now success of 9M registered users; Zain has been there and done all that. In November 2004 it pioneered in the department of changing corporate names as though it were a pair of socks from Kencell® to Celtel®. As if that was not enough, they changed again their name to Zain, and mark you, it s not yet stopped. Zain, sorry Kencell has had to lock horns with Telkom Kenya over an Agreement on interconnection rates in the year 2003 when it was not only impossible but also not allowable to call across networks. Now, when surf-com is bragging to scare Zain out of the market, they have to be reminded Zain has seen it all so ‘bring it on pronto.’

The love of Zain to the local mwanachi surpasses all 3G or 4G surf-com is trying to G-spot.

Safaricom’s Prostitution Theory

This CSW has no love or mercy on anyone at all. She's full of conditions and terms, at least it is endemic to all CSWs from Luthuli to SJ to Kenyatta to Majengo. She aims at just making money and profits (didn’t MJ mention that?) She is exorbitantly overcharging her clients now that she knows her 3G-spot is easy to reach. She uses this 3G as her strong point to outsmart the beautiful single ladies (i.e., Miss Zain, the Orange baby and Yu) passing by from work to their beloved homes.

The SuperTalking b**ch winks at you with a place-card rating of 80 cents but when you’ve removed your pants ready for action, she flashes out a new card indicating the cost is 1,000 shillings. She even once swindled innumerable men by offering herself for free on what she coined as IPO (initial prima-donna offer). Although some of us noticed the obvious pogrom in her foxy baits, we might have tacitly encouraged her by our silence. She mistakenly believed she was a goddess. My old grandpa in Kariobangi who attempted to indulge in the tartly donned IPO is now languishing as no returns he got.

But the time has come when Kenyans will switch gears and move on singing, “It’s too late to apologize.” The bitter option for the green is to live and let live. Kenyans grow smarter every year and now we are wiser after the event. It’s time for the late MJ –Michael Jackseph –to be laid to rest. Or else he can re-change his skin back to black and reincarnate to give us the hit-song Haki Yetu or allow the 7-3-numberdom around his territory. Or better still, he can summon and pay-off Steadman or Infotrak Harris and its ugly Ambitho to declare a poll that say 94% of Kenyans have said they are satisfied with surf-com and thus not ready to migrate. You know Kenyans with falsehood of numbers and amenability. Enough not said. I can see my BerryBlack ringing on 734640693, let me answer the call. No more suffering communication.

Alphonce Magati

Memory Lane

FUNNIEST INTERVIEW IN KENYA the LaND of UnequaL OPPortunitEs

CRAZY INTERVIEW ANSWERS THAT WORK

magati alphonce

It is no secret that finding a job in this economy is becoming difficult at best and nobody’s idea of fun too. But is it justified??
(You can opt to jump to the middle of this article for laughter.)

 

 

 

 

Highlights

1. Employment no longer based on merit. Quite often the do-you-know-anyone factor and mundane criterion such as tribalism override merit
2. Interviews done for the sake of formality to escort predetermined ones.
3. Read some of the laugh-out-loud hysterical answers to..

• Why are you leaving your current position?
• What kind of computer software are you proficient in?
• Why do you want to work for us?
• What are your strengths and weaknesses?
• Leadership skills?
• Your Goals?

SiRi Magatzine>> It is no secret that finding a job in this economy is becoming difficult at best and nobody’s idea of fun too. But is it justified??

In his open letter to the new Director of KACC, my favourite writer of all times and Senior Editor in the Standard Group, Otuma Ongalo aka Double OO reminded PLO of the adamant here-to-stay poison—nepotism. He articulately put it this like this, “...employment in many public institutions is no longer based on merit. Quite often do-you-know-anyone factor and mundane criterion such as tribalism override merit. Many jobs are advertised but only to attract some individuals to ‘escort’ the predetermined ones. The advertisements are tailor-made to suit certain individuals and interview convened at their convenience.” This big piece of truth crystallised the other day when we held interviews at organisation X (name withheld deliberately). The process was not only (mis)managed clumsily but also exhibited senseless and stupefying favouritism and nepotism. The incident underscored our tolerance to tribalism and corruption. At the end of the day, the people who were hired had neither the necessary qualification nor the best suitability criterion vis-a-vis the left lot of seekers.

But one wise man said you cannot change circumstances by complaining. But you can by being appreciative and making fun out of gloom. And here is what I am doing. The following is the outstanding hilarious eavesdropped interview done to Mr. Omoding.

At the Guest's Lounge

First the interviewer came into the lobby to pick up Omoding. As he stood up, his trousers fell to the floor! “Fuck,” he muttered as he passed the poker-faced interviewer.

In the Boardroom

Edited for clarity

Tell us something about yourself

Aha! Well...! I thought I was the guest here and for that matter you had to give me an illusion of yourselves first!

But, nevertheless, if you insist, my name is Alima Omoding; I am bald, fat and get annoyed easily. I went to Nkubu Boys which probably should be North or South from here, you know, I am not good with maps and direction. Remember I come from Nyanza, that’s a fact, and you already know what that means...

What does it mean?

OK, it means nothing.

What can you bring to this position?

(Stares at the entire floor) A new carpet and a new play-station 9

Equally, I would be great asset to the events team because I party all the time. Yes, I think now we are talking...

Why are you leaving your current position?

I was fired by my senseless boss because I had problems in waking up. I used to explain that late to bed, late to rise but it fell on deaf ears. You see I have to finish an episode or two for Season 4 Heroes. By the way he didn’t know who my father is...

How long have you worked there?

Two months.

What kind of computer software are you proficient in?

Software?! You mean those programming languages that are hard nut to crack even by computer scientist? But I think I know how to start a computer and type in Word and maybe play Spider Solitaire.

Why do you want to work for us?

Mainly for two reasons: One, I saw the vacancy posted on Facebook—by the way I am in FB and I command more than 1,000 friend list. Yes, I saw it on facebook and decided why not!

Two, my parents told me I need to get a job to support myself and stop asking for some pocket money for partying and stuff like that...you know, nowadays the price of beer is escalating too fast.

Are you sure you want this job?

Are you asking me? Is that a trick question? C’mon men, get serious!

This Article is the sole work of Magati alphonce

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Well as you can verify, I am young, virile man and above all I am single – if you ladies know exactly what I am saying. (Omoding then looks at one of the pretty fair-skinned board member) I particularly like ‘laptops’...

For weakness, I don’t have any. I told you my parents are from Nyanza and even Engineer Raila Odinga is a friend to my dad.

Give us an example of when you demonstrated leadership skills.

Well my best example of would be in the world of computer game particularly ‘NFS’ and ‘King of the Road.’ I pretty much run the show, it is not easy bro.

On top of that, my leadership skills can be traced to last year when I organised a student strike when the administration mingled in our Elections.

Don't tell me you are proud of Rioting?

It's OK, I don't tell you

What are your goals for the next 5 years?

Probably Manchester United forever.

Do you have any Role model?

Yes, either Lil’ Wayne or Barrack Osama or sometimes Cristian Ronaldhino

How much do you expect to be paid?

Ummmmmmmh, between 300K – 500K. You see I want to buy an Audi Macerati by the end of this year. My galfriend dumped me because of a Toyota Vitz she saw in my neighbours aka a 'her boyfriend-material'.

Anything else we should know about you?

You should know probably I bull-fight every weekend

Do you have any question for us?
I have three questions:

1. How many young ladies work here?
2. Does this company hold sleep-overs?
3. Can my dad call you to talk about the job and the internship program?

(I didn’t hear right if it’s dad or uncle) later the dad/uncle called to reiterate that the boy should be absorbed immediately as the CEO knows about it.

You might think this is fiction; it is not. True story it is and the same guy is now comfortably “working” with the organisation simply because the influential uncle/dad endorsed him there. Not credentials, not background, not potential that mattered. But this didn’t kill our potential or our talents. We hope Kenya will change one day and merit should speak for one in job platform. Amen.

[The name of the organisation, click HERE]
Alphonce M. Magati

HOW THE NEW CONSTITUTION SEDUCED CORRUPTION AND IMPUNITY AND UNEMPLOYMENT

Conclusively, having no part or clause in the constitution that attempts to explain how corrupt and undoing public-office holders can be dealt with (read recall), means we don’t understand the problem as well as the solution. What about powerful politicians who break the law (moral or otherwise) mercilessly like Simon Mbuguas and Wanjalas? The proposed draft continues giving them immunity

Snippets

1. Voting for the new constitution is here to remind us how easily we forget our mistakes
2. Campaigning too early before 4^th July (one month before referendum) is a resounding complicity in impunity
3. IIEC merely reflecting formality to ratify government stand
4. CoE threatening that contravening or rejecting their constitution-proposal is criminal veto
5. The draft not addressing key issues like public office corruption, tribalism, unemployment and impunity
6. After Americas endorsement Kenya will need Jose Mourinho to endorse it further or otherwise

Siri MagatzineHitherto, given the prevailing cross-fire on the proposed constitution, it is intuited that trouble looms larger than the actual national solace we have been speculating for long time now.

From the outset, despite the polarization of Kenyans into two opposing, polemical yet emotive Yes/No camps, the residuary civility, tolerance and rule of law have been flouted right, left and centre. It is the same disregarding virtues that Kenyans moral frame loosely hinges on since the 2007/2008 upheaval. Now that the proposed constitution is here to remind us how easily we forget our mistakes, keen observers must not fail to notice the way our difference are concreted over.

Civic education corrupt

First the Prime Minister Raila Odinga and President Kibaki, by the virtue of campaigning too early, is in itself a resounding complicity in impunity. If Kenyans memory has not lapsed, I recall campaigns were to start on 4^th of July—one month before referendum, but after civic education.

This, expectedly therefore, speaks volume of how, whether the constitution passes or not, impunity and corruption is here to stay with us. If the bigwigs who should obey the law can bond and break overtly the law that is used to make the constitution, is there any likelihood of obeying the constitution itself?

As if that is not enough, the presumed independent IIEC, the same institution that gave us the binary-choice of YES and NO, has plainly demonstrated that its “campaigns” lie in the Yes camp. This weird development begs the question if the tendency really ensue the growing willingness to let Kenyans have a say in the referendum, or if the referendum merely reflects formality to ratify the government’s stand.

The committee of experts, on the other hand, is squandering the taxpayers’ money putting around entertainment road-shows in the name of civic education. It’s much disheartening and disgusting when the CoE shifts its mandate of educating the public into whistle-stop show-off and technical ad hominem attack to the Red-camp, clearly threatening that contravening or rejecting their constitution-proposal is criminal veto.

For a fact, in spite of being a Yes-camp turncoat, history reminds us that when governments control the referendum, they will tend to use it only when they expect to win. This is utter depressing but even worse is when we picture kenya’s level of illiteracy and joblessness interspersed with tribalism monster. Now that we are yet to vote along tribal blocs, tribalism is to be awakened in another level. Is the draft prepared for that?

Yes camp to vote No; NO contextualization!

The proposed constitution was meant to increase transparency and enhance living standards by allowing good governance. Unfortunately, the opposite might happen, namely that the constitution is likely to propagate corruption from the peaks of national assembly to the depths of counties. Why is this so?

The extant truth is that corruption, impunity, tribalism and unemployment are four stumbling blocks in this country’s auspicious future 47 year down the line.

Eliminating this, seemed to be the draft constitution raison d’être. Conclusively, having no part or clause in the constitution that attempts to explain how corrupt and undoing public-office holders can be dealt with (read recall), means we don’t understand the problem as well as the solution. What about powerful politicians who break the law (moral or otherwise) mercilessly like Simon Mbuguas and Wanjalas? The proposed draft continues giving them immunity.

Instead of marshalling ideas of how to end the menacing tribalism, the constitution has mentioned nothing about our “sharp-fanged” tribes and how to keep them in check. On top of that, I beg to rectified if, apart from article 55(c), there is any other clause in which employment opportunities are suggested or implied to be created…

Those supporting the draft describe it vehemently as better than the current one. If by ‘better’ they mean well written and widely read, they are perfectly correct. But if they mean key issues have been tackled and no complexities involved in getting it to work, they are quite mistaken.

Let’s welcome reforms by starting with noticing our inadequacies then champion to put on the table pertinent measures. For instance, we know tribal political coalitions fuel so much hatred, why didn’t this new baby constitution order for presidential elections to be done far away from those of parliamentary so that people vote on the basis of a character not a winning concoction of tribalistic politicians.

As for America’s endorsement of the constitution we wonder, should we wait for Jose Mourinho’s final endorsement for us to decide?

ALPHONCE M. MAGATI

The University of Nairobi

THE OTHER USE OF TRANSFORMER OIL;CAN'T BELIEVE

THE OTHER USE OF TRANSFORMER OIL; CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!

Before you bite that chips or mandazi, look and think twice before you leap. You may scold a doctor for his usual brief health tips and Alphonce for this rare counsel, but you cannot make a health living without. Anyway, listen carefully. A visit to Nairobi could be mistaken of thinking Nairobian as a fast food section in Kenya. Yet, for non-visitors like me it’s the same story. KEBS assures of standardized quality products to Kenyan consumers but it has never told us anything about chips and chicken as a consumption product in the busy swallowing Nairobians. The delicacies, as we call them, are beckoning our early interment too little fast. How? Please read with me.

Not once, not twice I have gone without electricity for two or more days because oil has been stolen from the transformer. Theft of transformer oil is habitual in Nairobi estates with Dandora, Kibera, Kitengela, Kariobamgi and South C topping the list. Despite the “Mulika Mwizi” initiative with its superb advert, the saboteurs have now proved to outsmart all the alarms and traps. Being the inquisitive person that I am, I sought to find out the real use for the dreaded yet coveted transformer oil. To start with, transformer oil has four main uses: it si used to treat skin disorders; to my superstitious Luhya, Kisii & Kalenjin it is a talisman (i.e. protects against all other evil charms to babies); it is used as fuel for industrial furnaces; or it’s mixed with vegetable oil and hence used as cooking oil. Looking at these uses, there is nothing to fret about but on double-clicking the latter; two things come into big picture: your health, your life. From just the look, this had me scratching my head.
Where in Nairobi
The astonishing news on how the Nairobi’s Tom Mboya and River Road fast food joints use transformer oil for cooking the “delicacies,” sent me prematurely into books for quickie research. And my findings are more than a textbook can offer, divulging the looming lethal hazard.

Technically speaking, transformer oil is a mineral oil used to cool and insulate the fins of an electric transformer. For starters, mineral oil and vegetable oil are different in that in that the former is made from petroleum fuel. The transformer oil is characterized by its high temperature stability and resistance to vitiation due to overuse. Vitiation and deterioration of the vegetable oil by constant re-use and poor storage results in poor quality oil. The frying oil that has a dark colour, shifted flavour and unwanted odour is not unusual. The chips vendors have unisonly opted to adulterate the normal vegetable oil with the transformer oil to suppress the shifted flavour and ensure re-use and re-use (more than 6 months). It might sound like an Einstein ingenuity but the sacrificial lamb is we the consumer since it leaves harmful substances to our ailing health. The outcome, as you might have guessed, is ingestion of harmful fatty acids and free radicals that are linked with chronic diseases like diabetes, cancer and heart disease. According to Mwindangasi (name changed deliberately), a chips vendor in town, “the more the proportion of the transformer oil, the better. The oil helps reduces darkening of bhajias.” He goes on to justify himself that, “If people sometimes back used formalin to embalm ‘ka-ngumus’, we even better!”

Delicious poison
I am not worried by the use of the oil, in fact I am troubled by the high-rate of daily consumption of this delicious poison. If it is not the junk itself, it’s the oil in the junk that is yet to mangle your body system. I cannot overemphasize the effects of high fats in diets to our bodies; the complications like obesity and the chronic diseases like heart disease, stroke and diabetes. Paradoxically, instead of fighting down Trans fats we are introducing a more lethal one. For now, before you swallow that piece of chips, chicken, bhajia, boiled in this kind of oil think…when do I want to die?

Alphonce M. Magati
For http://magati2020.blogspot.com

NOAH AND THE ARK IN kenya

"Noah Was stopped further building the ark because:-- Kibera wants a railway built first in the Ark, KRA seized all his assets claiming he is trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. If he is sufficiently philanthropic to build the ark, he should pay for Ken McOrende... "Noah’s Ark in Kenya

“There’s gonna be El-Niño,” Lord said to Noah, “in six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole country is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and the two of every kind of living things. I’m telling you to build yourself an Ark,” instructed the Lord. And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specification of the Ark.

“Ok,” said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.

Six months elapsed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in front of his Mathare Yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.

“Noah,” shouted the Lord, “where is the Ark?” A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah for Emphasis.

“Lord, please forgive me,” beseeched Noah, I did my best. But there were big problems:-

1. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn’t meet IEK Code which I never knew it existed before then. So I had to hire an engineer from a Business School (KCA) to redraw the plans. He is the one D.M. wanjohi trusts
2. My building the Ark in the Mathare front yard was objected. It was claimed that I WAS VIOLATING ZONING SINCE A superhighway was to pass there for the first time. So I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
3. Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Mau Forest. I had to convince the government I needed the wood to save the Gema, squatters, etc. But they wouldn’t let me…
4. Then the Kenya Airways carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the COTU before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we’ve got sixteen carpenters going on the boat..
5. Then I started gathering up the animals and got sued by an animal’s rights group (G12). They objected to me taking only two of each kind. It’s conjugally un-right.
6. The Migingo residents claim they’re used to swimming for long hours long time now, and they have their own boats. In fact unless all the forty brothels and two toilets are closed is when they can reconsider my case.
7. UoN students want to gather stones first (the ones Mutua used to beautify Nairobi) so that incase of electricity rationing in the Ark they’ll do what they do mostly best.
8. Father Jimmy also wants to declare that he has “only one dear wife” so that “hakuna haja…kusema nani ni nani…hapana, wacha hiyo kumbafu sana”
9. Kibera want a railway built first in the Ark
10. Horrible members of Parliament are in recess for three and half months. I have to wait till they table the bill on the floor of the House deciding whether the Ark will help tap Rift Valley Voters…
11. I cannot trace the same members because they changed names to become next Obamas in 2012, (Yes We Kana)

• John Ochuki
• Olonzo Mak’Osyoka
• Geoge Atoti
• Martha Orwa
• Ohuru K’Onyatto
• Beth Ougo
• William Outo Ony
• 
  

12. Right now I’m still trying to solve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Karamojongs I’m supposed to hire. How many CPAs, etc do they have from River Road?

13. KRA has seized all my assets claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. If I’m sufficiently philanthropic to build the ark, I should pay for Ken McOrende.

“I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years.” Noah wailed, “Until 2012” The sky began to shine. A rainbow arched the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. “You mean you are not going to destroy Kenya?” Noah asked hopefully.

“Wrong,” thundered the Lord. “but being Lord, I fully intend to smite Kenya, but with something Kenyan invented by themselves in the Fablab.

“What is that?” asked Noah

There was a long pause, and then the Lord Spaket his last words “COALITION GOVERNMENT.”

"They won't get any constitution till they respect me, as their LORD!"

Yours Truly Alphonce

ENGINEER AND THE LANGUAGE: BRAIN & MOUTH FACTOR

"Most student enginers like to talk still too few enjoy speaking. Talking is casual, random and unrehearsed, but speaking requires a plan, an organization and practice. Speaking, like writing, is an art of increasing necessity for the successful engineer; an art that he must perfect if he is to succeed in his profession and his society. In any case for any emerging economy in any country depends heavily upon her entreprising engineers with the ability to stiffle intelligent ideas with fearless eloquent elocution. No over-thing, trust you

ENGINEER AND THE LANGUAGE
"BRAIN AND MOUTH FACTOR"
I have held my tongue (and pen for that matter) incommunicado for too long but thank goodness the "Student Engineer " is here to stay. The fact that it has inaugurated a new era in which it garners aspectful ideas and views from the entire student is in itself a resounding come-back. This, therefore, necessitates me, first and foremost, to take off my hat to the editorial team for such a stunning stunt. Keep it up for the job well done and welcome on board! Unfortunately, that is where congratulations end and the worries begin.

I am the staunch believer of the truism that if communicating is wrong , then we can't be write(sic). Whether the doctor or the engineer is the competent party to do so is certainly open to debate. Perhaps the most worrying is that communication skills is spiralling out of control to its death-bed. But in full view of the grave nature of the matter and for the intimate interest of the leadership for vision 2030, may I be exonorated for submitting that we the budding engineers, are poor in discourse(spoken and written language). I know at this point you must be questioning, what am I talking about but good people that stands out as a fact (not opinion) according to a recent secret research. This mediocrity has been argued for even becoming part of our own wont. Ardous and numeracy, time exacting, and intricate and knotty units undertaken are some of the favourite excuses. Yet for sure this pretty pretexts do not grant engineering students any absolution.

Most student enginers like to talk still too few enjoy speaking. Talking is casual, random and unrehearsed, but speaking requires a plan, an organization and practice. Speaking, like writing, is an art of increasing necessity for the successful engineer; an art that he must perfect if he is to succeed in his profession and his society. In any case for any emerging economy in any country depends heavily upon her entreprising engineers with the ability to stiffle intelligent ideas with fearless eloquent elocution. No over-thing, trust you. "If an engineer cannot express his ideas and the results of his endeavour to others, even though he may have the intellect of a genius and the capability of performing the most creative work, the benefits of his intellect and creative abilities will be of little use to others," so says CEng. Hinds Elliot of Queen's University Belfast(UK), and we all agree.

A big brain and a good mouth are symbiotically indispensable for great achievement. Prominent personalities and other men or women of means attain their stature because of their passionate, eloquent communication of their dreams than because of their programs and projects. We must, as comrade-in-arms, as a country and as a people, stop pretending that we do not need people of the mould of Titus Naikuni, Mugo Kibati, Prof. Oduol...name them.Remember a big brain and a good mouth are not just tools of eminence; they perform the bigger function of giving an engineer the desired credibility in the eyes of the global community.

So what should be done??With the help of the hindsight, I am advancing the view that our inquest is timely. by the time the student is a freshman in college, he is expected to have a working vocabulary of several thousand words, to be able to organize ideas into coherent pattern, and present these ideas either orally or in writing. This is the time for the engineering student to learn by trial and error his best ways to communicate. Shun decisive distaste for literature books, participate in group discussions or fellowships for the presentation of concepts and for gaining vocabulary skills, a knowledge of psychology and training in debate are all helpful. A conscious effort while in college to improve one's ability to communicate verbally will make transition to work as a practising engineer after graduation much easier.

Let us relegate this esoteric gobbledegook and "O"factor language into the dustbin of idiocy.See this"...naenda tao, ni-take breako na luncho then ni-come daro. nitadunga ile shirtoo yangu ya fao so that you can ona it. I'm not panda-ing bu...are you shangaa-ing?/"" I am lost if an engineer communicated like this in a global platform. And I resign.