SAFARICOM PROSTITUTION THEORY; HOW FAR IS TOO FAR...

1. Zain has gone up people’s estimation as the hero
2. Safaricom behave like CSW along
4. Memory-lane: owning a phone (Sagem), SIM cost, calling rate, texting.
5. Zain (ex-Kencell) locking horns with Telkom Kenya over Interconnection rates as it’s happening now with surf-com.
6. The surf-com prostitution theory
7. MJ to pay-off Infotrak and its ugly Ambitho to give polls that 94% of Kenyans are satisfied with surf-com and thus not ready to migrate


8. Koinange Street

(Siri)Indeed August was a month inundated with indelible histories. First it was the tremendous passing of the long-awaited new constitution, then it was David Rudisha’s world record fete, and then came in the HAKI YETU Tariff from Zain. This might sound like Kibera residents uprooting a tariff or their usual railway line. But on the contrary, it’s Zain up in arms fighting for the local man to call at cheaper rates. In fact, Zain has gone up in people’s estimation as the hero of all times. Picture this, a guy in Kariri-kania village or Kibera spends a maximum of Ksh. 20 for lunch and another Ksh. 20 for supper. But here is a communications service provider that gulps your Ksh. 12 just for a minute! What does that tell you? Either it’s robbery or network prostitution.

Down

Safaricom’s calling rates reminds me of commercial sex workers (CSW) along

Koinange Street

. But before taking on the surf-com’s prostitution theory, let’s take a walk down the memory lane. The year is 2001 when the first few phones landed in Kenya. Telcom® then was the communication giant until Kencell® roared by and took over the market like a tsunami. Back then, by the fact of just holding (leave alone owning) a Sagem® or a Motorolla® T190 could demand respect deluged your way. Men got wives by that stunt. Young boys taking their uncles’ phones for charging simplified their seduction extravaganza by playing with the gadget in front of their target (woman).

The cost of SIM card could buy two goats on those days. And once lost no replacement, you had to cough another Ksh. 4, 500 and nothing less. The calling rate kicked off at Ksh. 64 but the price was drawn down to Ksh. 47 per minute. That means if you said, ‘Hallo.’ and the call gets interrupted, 47/= had to go, just like that. Texting back then could require you get trained first how to access SMS option before enjoying. But thank goodness now we all know! And thank goodness Zain is here to stay.

Despite its now success of 9M registered users; Zain has been there and done all that. In November 2004 it pioneered in the department of changing corporate names as though it were a pair of socks from Kencell® to Celtel®. As if that was not enough, they changed again their name to Zain, and mark you, it s not yet stopped. Zain, sorry Kencell has had to lock horns with Telkom Kenya over an Agreement on interconnection rates in the year 2003 when it was not only impossible but also not allowable to call across networks. Now, when surf-com is bragging to scare Zain out of the market, they have to be reminded Zain has seen it all so ‘bring it on pronto.’

The love of Zain to the local mwanachi surpasses all 3G or 4G surf-com is trying to G-spot.

Safaricom’s Prostitution Theory

This CSW has no love or mercy on anyone at all. She's full of conditions and terms, at least it is endemic to all CSWs from Luthuli to SJ to Kenyatta to Majengo. She aims at just making money and profits (didn’t MJ mention that?) She is exorbitantly overcharging her clients now that she knows her 3G-spot is easy to reach. She uses this 3G as her strong point to outsmart the beautiful single ladies (i.e., Miss Zain, the Orange baby and Yu) passing by from work to their beloved homes.

The SuperTalking b**ch winks at you with a place-card rating of 80 cents but when you’ve removed your pants ready for action, she flashes out a new card indicating the cost is 1,000 shillings. She even once swindled innumerable men by offering herself for free on what she coined as IPO (initial prima-donna offer). Although some of us noticed the obvious pogrom in her foxy baits, we might have tacitly encouraged her by our silence. She mistakenly believed she was a goddess. My old grandpa in Kariobangi who attempted to indulge in the tartly donned IPO is now languishing as no returns he got.

But the time has come when Kenyans will switch gears and move on singing, “It’s too late to apologize.” The bitter option for the green is to live and let live. Kenyans grow smarter every year and now we are wiser after the event. It’s time for the late MJ –Michael Jackseph –to be laid to rest. Or else he can re-change his skin back to black and reincarnate to give us the hit-song Haki Yetu or allow the 7-3-numberdom around his territory. Or better still, he can summon and pay-off Steadman or Infotrak Harris and its ugly Ambitho to declare a poll that say 94% of Kenyans have said they are satisfied with surf-com and thus not ready to migrate. You know Kenyans with falsehood of numbers and amenability. Enough not said. I can see my BerryBlack ringing on 734640693, let me answer the call. No more suffering communication.

Alphonce Magati

Memory Lane