HOW LONG CAN YOU LAST?(HLCYL?) WHEN SIZE DOESN'T MATTER...Clean Edition

Clean edition by blog womanager, Cynthia StayC-c`iru

Please note that this article is proudly sponsored by Trust Studded® (Banana flavoured)

Snippets:

1. The ladies who felt it easy to explain to us, claimed some men can’t withstand the heat in the kitchen for more than 91 seconds.
2. Maxima says “...My Dickens is an awesome guy. He makes me scream the whole two-halves of an hour. Then all of a sudden my cunt convulses as an involuntary orgasm turns my entire body into one gigantic zone! Then he cums in me, Ouch!”
3. The Abuja Pasto who wanted to multiply every 5 men with two legs to feed 5000 fishy women
4. It’s pretty obvious that a normal man is supposed to run the show for a satisfactory length of at least 9.6 minutes when we are talking about deep impaling; foreplay excluded. Yet veterans can brag of more than 28 minutes non-stop of thunderous
5. Men come too fast for a variety of reasons...
6. Women, on the other hand, come too slowly because...
7. “When I go longer than 5 minutes I risk the likelihood of a CD bursting at any point after. And you know how difficult it is to stop at...”-- Cosmo
8. “Sometimes my galfriend takes the lead, and become a young brunette riding a pole and swearing like a drunken sailor. OMG! She does it like a real woman cooking breakfast...”—Bob
9. The male who come too fast, stand a more chance of impregnating their partners...

(Magatzine)The 2009 Kenyan Census was out and about last week, and not unexpectedly, as it is endemic with Kenyans of majoring on minor things; tribal purism took the order of the day. The census results were pungent of acrid mis-planning, and at the same time pandering to good-for-nothing tribal bias. But trying to capture the current zeitgeist let me take a close eye on what ought to be trumpeted by Oparanya, and a closed eye on his unskilful skew of statistics.

The said natality explosion annually leave something to be desired especially at the diametrical fresh rates of divorce/separation and escalating percentages of singlehood conjoined with asymmetrical figures of men to women (1:4). Our churches (the best businesses in Nairobi at the moment) have been in the forefront of the Single Awareness Campaigns exorcizing spirits that may be locking out our women from getting husbands, or probably “loaded” men. But thanks to the Abuja Pasto, a one Chris Ogj.., who, in his warped prophesies, dexterously wants to multiply every 5 men to feed 5000 fishy women. The throng, FYI, of young bummy desperate women who attended the surmmon is an article for another day.

Real biz. According to research of which this article forms a record, 69% of children born yearly are illegitimate from either troubled marriages or unfulfilling relationships. Worth noting is that 94% of all these troubled marriages and unfulfilling relationships are caused by nothing but one thing: sexual satisfaction and how long the man can carry on the bedroom show. For starters and for the record, it’s not just how fit or toned you are that matter, but hoe long you can handle the psychological roller coaster of a 4 hours marathon. Let’s take your stamina for a bed-test...

But first things first...I am not a psychologist. I am not a relationship expert. Nor am I a gynaecologist. I am a mere engineer, not yet emotionally-engaged with anyone, but can claim with medium confidence that I have been there and done that.

Survey and Responses

A survey in the UoN’s Halls of residence 11, 10, 9, Box and KMSH showed that many young men are involuntarily languishing in the problem of sustaining their cocks and balls inside the quim for more than 2 minutes. The ladies who felt it easy to explain to us, claimed some men can’t withstand the heat in the kitchen for more than 91 seconds. It’s utter disappointing, frustrating and even totally deflating when seconds is all what your big muscles, your testosterone is worth. Not because of pressure from society but because it’s nature’s demand. Remember a real man is assessed on the score-sheet of the package he owns and this rests on solid lethality of his weapons. If ever a man of actions deserves his success, that man is the owner of tools. He is a careful and fastidious artist in full control of his cock, a serious craftsman who disciplines himself not only how long to last but when exactly to come. As Maxima, a resident in Hall 20(Box), says “...My Dickens is an awesome guy. He makes me scream the whole two-halves of an hour. Then all of a sudden my cunt convulses as an involuntary orgasm turns my entire body into one gigantic zone! Then he cums in me, Ouch!”

This type of man has the decorum, selflessness and psychological commitment to see his woman through. He is a man who believes that it is his duty to give pleasure in order to gain pleasure. Like I said, it is not how fit or toned you are.

Normal Man Run the Show this Loooong

Most women interviewed, dismissed the issue of size of penis and underscored quality ramming of the walls as long time enough. The men on the other side, dismissed the issue of how tight the labia majora and minora are as long as the face is uniquely beautiful.

It’s pretty obvious that a normal below average man is supposed to run the show for a satisfactory length of at least 9.6 minutes when we are talking about deep impaling; foreplay excluded. Yet veterans can brag of more than 28 minutes non-stop of thunderous good strokes in and good strokes out for the first round. Can you handle this? Cosmo, a resident in Hall 11, says “When I go longer than 5 minutes I risk the likelihood of a CD bursting at any point after. And you know how difficult it is to stop at such climaxes... (Giggles)”

We are living in a society whose men are so over-optimistic such that they always see Glass (read Gals) as half-naked and not half-dressed at all times, prompting their minds to fuck in almost every position imaginable by just sight. This condition is further aggravated by the likes of Luthuli/SJ instant-call-gals who at all times stress that speed is of essence.

Men come too fast for a variety of reasons, not least among them the reason that they are in an impatient, selfish search for gratification. Women, on the other hand, come too slowly because their mind are preoccupied by a variety of expectations, not the least being their strong wish to be entertained statutory from one direction, and some gift ready. The fact of a woman helping you entertain her is a statement of the utmost importance. Worse is a certain crop of women who misconceive that passionate, toe-curling sex is one dimensional. One-dimensional in the sense that it is up to the man to bring out pleasure on both parties. This is not only wrong but also a misguided brainwash across the churches (yes churches) that denies full enjoyment of one’s body. “Sometimes my galfriend takes the lead, and become a young brunette riding a pole and swearing like a drunken sailor. OMG! She does it like a real woman cooking breakfast. That makes me go hard on and on...” says Bob, resident in Hall 9.

Have you tasted cunningulus? I ask. No, most probably. Tell me the last time your woman fellated your tools and I’ll tell you a generation abnegating the necessary. Probably, she has never brought her lips closer to your cock. Where else can you get a stimulus and drive from?

National Census Rendition

From an evolutionary point of view, the male who come too fast, stand a more chance of impregnating their partners. The scientific exposition behind this theory asserts that the first cum if not disturbed sticks more to the walls of the uterus agitating the release of Luteinizing Hormone (LH) which is responsible for express ovulation. It is the same impregnated women who stand on the receiving end of unsatisfaction. So when the census release claimed there are more Kikuyus and Luhyas, I couldn’t stop wondering how short, dorks, malfunctioned and wimps are the Kikuyu men, Luhya men and Kalenjin men in that ugly order.

ALPHONCE M. MAGATI

NEXT

Where the Brain and Heart Goes While you Last Part II

SAFARICOM PROSTITUTION THEORY; HOW FAR IS TOO FAR...

1. Zain has gone up people’s estimation as the hero
2. Safaricom behave like CSW along
4. Memory-lane: owning a phone (Sagem), SIM cost, calling rate, texting.
5. Zain (ex-Kencell) locking horns with Telkom Kenya over Interconnection rates as it’s happening now with surf-com.
6. The surf-com prostitution theory
7. MJ to pay-off Infotrak and its ugly Ambitho to give polls that 94% of Kenyans are satisfied with surf-com and thus not ready to migrate


8. Koinange Street

(Siri)Indeed August was a month inundated with indelible histories. First it was the tremendous passing of the long-awaited new constitution, then it was David Rudisha’s world record fete, and then came in the HAKI YETU Tariff from Zain. This might sound like Kibera residents uprooting a tariff or their usual railway line. But on the contrary, it’s Zain up in arms fighting for the local man to call at cheaper rates. In fact, Zain has gone up in people’s estimation as the hero of all times. Picture this, a guy in Kariri-kania village or Kibera spends a maximum of Ksh. 20 for lunch and another Ksh. 20 for supper. But here is a communications service provider that gulps your Ksh. 12 just for a minute! What does that tell you? Either it’s robbery or network prostitution.

Down

Safaricom’s calling rates reminds me of commercial sex workers (CSW) along

Koinange Street

. But before taking on the surf-com’s prostitution theory, let’s take a walk down the memory lane. The year is 2001 when the first few phones landed in Kenya. Telcom® then was the communication giant until Kencell® roared by and took over the market like a tsunami. Back then, by the fact of just holding (leave alone owning) a Sagem® or a Motorolla® T190 could demand respect deluged your way. Men got wives by that stunt. Young boys taking their uncles’ phones for charging simplified their seduction extravaganza by playing with the gadget in front of their target (woman).

The cost of SIM card could buy two goats on those days. And once lost no replacement, you had to cough another Ksh. 4, 500 and nothing less. The calling rate kicked off at Ksh. 64 but the price was drawn down to Ksh. 47 per minute. That means if you said, ‘Hallo.’ and the call gets interrupted, 47/= had to go, just like that. Texting back then could require you get trained first how to access SMS option before enjoying. But thank goodness now we all know! And thank goodness Zain is here to stay.

Despite its now success of 9M registered users; Zain has been there and done all that. In November 2004 it pioneered in the department of changing corporate names as though it were a pair of socks from Kencell® to Celtel®. As if that was not enough, they changed again their name to Zain, and mark you, it s not yet stopped. Zain, sorry Kencell has had to lock horns with Telkom Kenya over an Agreement on interconnection rates in the year 2003 when it was not only impossible but also not allowable to call across networks. Now, when surf-com is bragging to scare Zain out of the market, they have to be reminded Zain has seen it all so ‘bring it on pronto.’

The love of Zain to the local mwanachi surpasses all 3G or 4G surf-com is trying to G-spot.

Safaricom’s Prostitution Theory

This CSW has no love or mercy on anyone at all. She's full of conditions and terms, at least it is endemic to all CSWs from Luthuli to SJ to Kenyatta to Majengo. She aims at just making money and profits (didn’t MJ mention that?) She is exorbitantly overcharging her clients now that she knows her 3G-spot is easy to reach. She uses this 3G as her strong point to outsmart the beautiful single ladies (i.e., Miss Zain, the Orange baby and Yu) passing by from work to their beloved homes.

The SuperTalking b**ch winks at you with a place-card rating of 80 cents but when you’ve removed your pants ready for action, she flashes out a new card indicating the cost is 1,000 shillings. She even once swindled innumerable men by offering herself for free on what she coined as IPO (initial prima-donna offer). Although some of us noticed the obvious pogrom in her foxy baits, we might have tacitly encouraged her by our silence. She mistakenly believed she was a goddess. My old grandpa in Kariobangi who attempted to indulge in the tartly donned IPO is now languishing as no returns he got.

But the time has come when Kenyans will switch gears and move on singing, “It’s too late to apologize.” The bitter option for the green is to live and let live. Kenyans grow smarter every year and now we are wiser after the event. It’s time for the late MJ –Michael Jackseph –to be laid to rest. Or else he can re-change his skin back to black and reincarnate to give us the hit-song Haki Yetu or allow the 7-3-numberdom around his territory. Or better still, he can summon and pay-off Steadman or Infotrak Harris and its ugly Ambitho to declare a poll that say 94% of Kenyans have said they are satisfied with surf-com and thus not ready to migrate. You know Kenyans with falsehood of numbers and amenability. Enough not said. I can see my BerryBlack ringing on 734640693, let me answer the call. No more suffering communication.

Alphonce Magati

Memory Lane

FUNNIEST INTERVIEW IN KENYA the LaND of UnequaL OPPortunitEs

CRAZY INTERVIEW ANSWERS THAT WORK

magati alphonce

It is no secret that finding a job in this economy is becoming difficult at best and nobody’s idea of fun too. But is it justified??
(You can opt to jump to the middle of this article for laughter.)

 

 

 

 

Highlights

1. Employment no longer based on merit. Quite often the do-you-know-anyone factor and mundane criterion such as tribalism override merit
2. Interviews done for the sake of formality to escort predetermined ones.
3. Read some of the laugh-out-loud hysterical answers to..

• Why are you leaving your current position?
• What kind of computer software are you proficient in?
• Why do you want to work for us?
• What are your strengths and weaknesses?
• Leadership skills?
• Your Goals?

SiRi Magatzine>> It is no secret that finding a job in this economy is becoming difficult at best and nobody’s idea of fun too. But is it justified??

In his open letter to the new Director of KACC, my favourite writer of all times and Senior Editor in the Standard Group, Otuma Ongalo aka Double OO reminded PLO of the adamant here-to-stay poison—nepotism. He articulately put it this like this, “...employment in many public institutions is no longer based on merit. Quite often do-you-know-anyone factor and mundane criterion such as tribalism override merit. Many jobs are advertised but only to attract some individuals to ‘escort’ the predetermined ones. The advertisements are tailor-made to suit certain individuals and interview convened at their convenience.” This big piece of truth crystallised the other day when we held interviews at organisation X (name withheld deliberately). The process was not only (mis)managed clumsily but also exhibited senseless and stupefying favouritism and nepotism. The incident underscored our tolerance to tribalism and corruption. At the end of the day, the people who were hired had neither the necessary qualification nor the best suitability criterion vis-a-vis the left lot of seekers.

But one wise man said you cannot change circumstances by complaining. But you can by being appreciative and making fun out of gloom. And here is what I am doing. The following is the outstanding hilarious eavesdropped interview done to Mr. Omoding.

At the Guest's Lounge

First the interviewer came into the lobby to pick up Omoding. As he stood up, his trousers fell to the floor! “Fuck,” he muttered as he passed the poker-faced interviewer.

In the Boardroom

Edited for clarity

Tell us something about yourself

Aha! Well...! I thought I was the guest here and for that matter you had to give me an illusion of yourselves first!

But, nevertheless, if you insist, my name is Alima Omoding; I am bald, fat and get annoyed easily. I went to Nkubu Boys which probably should be North or South from here, you know, I am not good with maps and direction. Remember I come from Nyanza, that’s a fact, and you already know what that means...

What does it mean?

OK, it means nothing.

What can you bring to this position?

(Stares at the entire floor) A new carpet and a new play-station 9

Equally, I would be great asset to the events team because I party all the time. Yes, I think now we are talking...

Why are you leaving your current position?

I was fired by my senseless boss because I had problems in waking up. I used to explain that late to bed, late to rise but it fell on deaf ears. You see I have to finish an episode or two for Season 4 Heroes. By the way he didn’t know who my father is...

How long have you worked there?

Two months.

What kind of computer software are you proficient in?

Software?! You mean those programming languages that are hard nut to crack even by computer scientist? But I think I know how to start a computer and type in Word and maybe play Spider Solitaire.

Why do you want to work for us?

Mainly for two reasons: One, I saw the vacancy posted on Facebook—by the way I am in FB and I command more than 1,000 friend list. Yes, I saw it on facebook and decided why not!

Two, my parents told me I need to get a job to support myself and stop asking for some pocket money for partying and stuff like that...you know, nowadays the price of beer is escalating too fast.

Are you sure you want this job?

Are you asking me? Is that a trick question? C’mon men, get serious!

This Article is the sole work of Magati alphonce

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Well as you can verify, I am young, virile man and above all I am single – if you ladies know exactly what I am saying. (Omoding then looks at one of the pretty fair-skinned board member) I particularly like ‘laptops’...

For weakness, I don’t have any. I told you my parents are from Nyanza and even Engineer Raila Odinga is a friend to my dad.

Give us an example of when you demonstrated leadership skills.

Well my best example of would be in the world of computer game particularly ‘NFS’ and ‘King of the Road.’ I pretty much run the show, it is not easy bro.

On top of that, my leadership skills can be traced to last year when I organised a student strike when the administration mingled in our Elections.

Don't tell me you are proud of Rioting?

It's OK, I don't tell you

What are your goals for the next 5 years?

Probably Manchester United forever.

Do you have any Role model?

Yes, either Lil’ Wayne or Barrack Osama or sometimes Cristian Ronaldhino

How much do you expect to be paid?

Ummmmmmmh, between 300K – 500K. You see I want to buy an Audi Macerati by the end of this year. My galfriend dumped me because of a Toyota Vitz she saw in my neighbours aka a 'her boyfriend-material'.

Anything else we should know about you?

You should know probably I bull-fight every weekend

Do you have any question for us?
I have three questions:

1. How many young ladies work here?
2. Does this company hold sleep-overs?
3. Can my dad call you to talk about the job and the internship program?

(I didn’t hear right if it’s dad or uncle) later the dad/uncle called to reiterate that the boy should be absorbed immediately as the CEO knows about it.

You might think this is fiction; it is not. True story it is and the same guy is now comfortably “working” with the organisation simply because the influential uncle/dad endorsed him there. Not credentials, not background, not potential that mattered. But this didn’t kill our potential or our talents. We hope Kenya will change one day and merit should speak for one in job platform. Amen.

[The name of the organisation, click HERE]
Alphonce M. Magati

20 Things Every Fresher Should Know About Dating & College Life Before Turning 21

It has taken me three years to learn the cold truth. Why take the detour yet THESE are the simplified facts.

As you read this, look into the mirror, into the pupil of the person in the mirror.

1. Never ask, why do guys seem to care less about love and relationship than ladies do? The answer is simple: men define themselves primarily from their academic work and their accomplishments whereas ladies define themselves primarily from their relationship.
2. Men feel emotionally rejected when you reject their sexual advances. When he makes a sexual overture to you, he is doing more than asking for sex. In fact he’s saying, “Please accept me; please receive me.”
3. Men love chiqs who aren’t afraid to show that they love sex. The sexual corpse—ladies who are unresponsive in bed are complete turn-off.
4. Don’t be fooled by an articulate, well-spoken man. He may really be a frightened little boy inside who has a hard time expressing the simplest emotions.
5. If he’s not ever calling before 11p.m., he is not interested in a real relationship. On the other hand, if she’s ever flashing (missed calls), she’s not in for you. Take a walk sis, cut it off bro.
6. If a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, he really means it (seriously). However, if a chiq says she’s already in a relationship, please note this, she needs you—it was just a feminine blurter which comes out whenever a Mr. Right rolls by.
7. SiRi Magatzine>>This Article is the Sole Creativity of Magati alphonce
8. Love [hoping it exists] is rarely packaged the way you expect it to be. One of the biggest keys to making your ‘love’ last is being flexible in our expectations. Money is not love, beauty is not love.
9. It is basically much kinder to be direct with someone than pussy-foot around the truth in order to spare feelings. It is a waste of both time and emotions and energy.
10. Relationships are not supposed to be technically hard in the beginning. If that is the case, run for your dear life.
11. This particular moment—no matter how good or bad it is—will be just a blip on the radar two years on (i.e. third or fourth year).
12. Friendship requires face to face communication. Philosopher Aristotle is our adviser on this matter. He argued that good friendship—soul mate—is only possible when friends ‘share salt together.’ He meant that they sit down with each other not just over the occasional meal, but over the course of their lives.
13. Resist the virtual life. The idea that you can have one—switching gender, looking handsome, becoming perfect—has grown with second life and the like. Plato is often associated with the existence of a perfect world, which philosophers call the Forms. But he was clear that this virtual place is not the real world. To live life in all its fullness, we humans must deal with this world’s imperfections, Plato said.
14. Go with the flow. To live in a “street-light” world is to live in a world of change. Don’t resist the inevitable change. You can grab a cigarette or cigar; learn to live with it. If you can go with the flow, you’ll find tranquillity.
15. Broadcasting your unsolicited comments on Facebook after every 2 minutes is a nuisance. When almost every update is a link to your body or your photo album, you too are too much of a braggart. Even worse is the updating strangers (called FB friends) about your non-existent love live, parents, school, clubbing because this is completely being insecure idiot. Keep it real!! (Read: Annoying Facebook Friends) [real updates]e.g. Im in, what a nice shot; brushing my tooth;
16. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the HIV/AIDS Unit with is irreversible and you cannot re-learn or UN-learn.
17. Campus is full of losers who can’t make out this or that because of lack of creativity; so the course you are taking is not the better off. Look around for ideas not enunciation of course name. For instance, which one of these is a good course: Boobs Psychology or Erotica Engineering?
18. Being a book-oriented, Money-oriented, Church-oriented or Desperatta doesn’t make you any better student. Get the principles of life in moderation and avoid being the extremist. (Read: 7types of College Students)
19. Getting all marks in class work or having a First-class distinction does not make you a perfect being or successful. There is more to life than meets the eye.
20. Magat M. Alphonce (aka GM Son) is a son of an African Gentleman. He is an Environmental Engineer by profession but most importantly he’s gone up in people’s estimation when last checked on the A-list. He is eulogised as an established writer and an artist Extraordinaire, check out.
21. KK, Richot and Smirnoff and Tuskers and Napoleon don’t mix well.

ALPHONCE M. MAGATI

The University of Nairobi

HOW THE NEW CONSTITUTION SEDUCED CORRUPTION AND IMPUNITY AND UNEMPLOYMENT

Conclusively, having no part or clause in the constitution that attempts to explain how corrupt and undoing public-office holders can be dealt with (read recall), means we don’t understand the problem as well as the solution. What about powerful politicians who break the law (moral or otherwise) mercilessly like Simon Mbuguas and Wanjalas? The proposed draft continues giving them immunity

Snippets

1. Voting for the new constitution is here to remind us how easily we forget our mistakes
2. Campaigning too early before 4^th July (one month before referendum) is a resounding complicity in impunity
3. IIEC merely reflecting formality to ratify government stand
4. CoE threatening that contravening or rejecting their constitution-proposal is criminal veto
5. The draft not addressing key issues like public office corruption, tribalism, unemployment and impunity
6. After Americas endorsement Kenya will need Jose Mourinho to endorse it further or otherwise

Siri MagatzineHitherto, given the prevailing cross-fire on the proposed constitution, it is intuited that trouble looms larger than the actual national solace we have been speculating for long time now.

From the outset, despite the polarization of Kenyans into two opposing, polemical yet emotive Yes/No camps, the residuary civility, tolerance and rule of law have been flouted right, left and centre. It is the same disregarding virtues that Kenyans moral frame loosely hinges on since the 2007/2008 upheaval. Now that the proposed constitution is here to remind us how easily we forget our mistakes, keen observers must not fail to notice the way our difference are concreted over.

Civic education corrupt

First the Prime Minister Raila Odinga and President Kibaki, by the virtue of campaigning too early, is in itself a resounding complicity in impunity. If Kenyans memory has not lapsed, I recall campaigns were to start on 4^th of July—one month before referendum, but after civic education.

This, expectedly therefore, speaks volume of how, whether the constitution passes or not, impunity and corruption is here to stay with us. If the bigwigs who should obey the law can bond and break overtly the law that is used to make the constitution, is there any likelihood of obeying the constitution itself?

As if that is not enough, the presumed independent IIEC, the same institution that gave us the binary-choice of YES and NO, has plainly demonstrated that its “campaigns” lie in the Yes camp. This weird development begs the question if the tendency really ensue the growing willingness to let Kenyans have a say in the referendum, or if the referendum merely reflects formality to ratify the government’s stand.

The committee of experts, on the other hand, is squandering the taxpayers’ money putting around entertainment road-shows in the name of civic education. It’s much disheartening and disgusting when the CoE shifts its mandate of educating the public into whistle-stop show-off and technical ad hominem attack to the Red-camp, clearly threatening that contravening or rejecting their constitution-proposal is criminal veto.

For a fact, in spite of being a Yes-camp turncoat, history reminds us that when governments control the referendum, they will tend to use it only when they expect to win. This is utter depressing but even worse is when we picture kenya’s level of illiteracy and joblessness interspersed with tribalism monster. Now that we are yet to vote along tribal blocs, tribalism is to be awakened in another level. Is the draft prepared for that?

Yes camp to vote No; NO contextualization!

The proposed constitution was meant to increase transparency and enhance living standards by allowing good governance. Unfortunately, the opposite might happen, namely that the constitution is likely to propagate corruption from the peaks of national assembly to the depths of counties. Why is this so?

The extant truth is that corruption, impunity, tribalism and unemployment are four stumbling blocks in this country’s auspicious future 47 year down the line.

Eliminating this, seemed to be the draft constitution raison d’être. Conclusively, having no part or clause in the constitution that attempts to explain how corrupt and undoing public-office holders can be dealt with (read recall), means we don’t understand the problem as well as the solution. What about powerful politicians who break the law (moral or otherwise) mercilessly like Simon Mbuguas and Wanjalas? The proposed draft continues giving them immunity.

Instead of marshalling ideas of how to end the menacing tribalism, the constitution has mentioned nothing about our “sharp-fanged” tribes and how to keep them in check. On top of that, I beg to rectified if, apart from article 55(c), there is any other clause in which employment opportunities are suggested or implied to be created…

Those supporting the draft describe it vehemently as better than the current one. If by ‘better’ they mean well written and widely read, they are perfectly correct. But if they mean key issues have been tackled and no complexities involved in getting it to work, they are quite mistaken.

Let’s welcome reforms by starting with noticing our inadequacies then champion to put on the table pertinent measures. For instance, we know tribal political coalitions fuel so much hatred, why didn’t this new baby constitution order for presidential elections to be done far away from those of parliamentary so that people vote on the basis of a character not a winning concoction of tribalistic politicians.

As for America’s endorsement of the constitution we wonder, should we wait for Jose Mourinho’s final endorsement for us to decide?

ALPHONCE M. MAGATI

The University of Nairobi

THE OTHER USE OF TRANSFORMER OIL;CAN'T BELIEVE

THE OTHER USE OF TRANSFORMER OIL; CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!

Before you bite that chips or mandazi, look and think twice before you leap. You may scold a doctor for his usual brief health tips and Alphonce for this rare counsel, but you cannot make a health living without. Anyway, listen carefully. A visit to Nairobi could be mistaken of thinking Nairobian as a fast food section in Kenya. Yet, for non-visitors like me it’s the same story. KEBS assures of standardized quality products to Kenyan consumers but it has never told us anything about chips and chicken as a consumption product in the busy swallowing Nairobians. The delicacies, as we call them, are beckoning our early interment too little fast. How? Please read with me.

Not once, not twice I have gone without electricity for two or more days because oil has been stolen from the transformer. Theft of transformer oil is habitual in Nairobi estates with Dandora, Kibera, Kitengela, Kariobamgi and South C topping the list. Despite the “Mulika Mwizi” initiative with its superb advert, the saboteurs have now proved to outsmart all the alarms and traps. Being the inquisitive person that I am, I sought to find out the real use for the dreaded yet coveted transformer oil. To start with, transformer oil has four main uses: it si used to treat skin disorders; to my superstitious Luhya, Kisii & Kalenjin it is a talisman (i.e. protects against all other evil charms to babies); it is used as fuel for industrial furnaces; or it’s mixed with vegetable oil and hence used as cooking oil. Looking at these uses, there is nothing to fret about but on double-clicking the latter; two things come into big picture: your health, your life. From just the look, this had me scratching my head.
Where in Nairobi
The astonishing news on how the Nairobi’s Tom Mboya and River Road fast food joints use transformer oil for cooking the “delicacies,” sent me prematurely into books for quickie research. And my findings are more than a textbook can offer, divulging the looming lethal hazard.

Technically speaking, transformer oil is a mineral oil used to cool and insulate the fins of an electric transformer. For starters, mineral oil and vegetable oil are different in that in that the former is made from petroleum fuel. The transformer oil is characterized by its high temperature stability and resistance to vitiation due to overuse. Vitiation and deterioration of the vegetable oil by constant re-use and poor storage results in poor quality oil. The frying oil that has a dark colour, shifted flavour and unwanted odour is not unusual. The chips vendors have unisonly opted to adulterate the normal vegetable oil with the transformer oil to suppress the shifted flavour and ensure re-use and re-use (more than 6 months). It might sound like an Einstein ingenuity but the sacrificial lamb is we the consumer since it leaves harmful substances to our ailing health. The outcome, as you might have guessed, is ingestion of harmful fatty acids and free radicals that are linked with chronic diseases like diabetes, cancer and heart disease. According to Mwindangasi (name changed deliberately), a chips vendor in town, “the more the proportion of the transformer oil, the better. The oil helps reduces darkening of bhajias.” He goes on to justify himself that, “If people sometimes back used formalin to embalm ‘ka-ngumus’, we even better!”

Delicious poison
I am not worried by the use of the oil, in fact I am troubled by the high-rate of daily consumption of this delicious poison. If it is not the junk itself, it’s the oil in the junk that is yet to mangle your body system. I cannot overemphasize the effects of high fats in diets to our bodies; the complications like obesity and the chronic diseases like heart disease, stroke and diabetes. Paradoxically, instead of fighting down Trans fats we are introducing a more lethal one. For now, before you swallow that piece of chips, chicken, bhajia, boiled in this kind of oil think…when do I want to die?

Alphonce M. Magati
For http://magati2020.blogspot.com

JATROPHA PLANT & UoN THINKING

JATROPHA PLANT, THE TRUTH BEHIND

This is attracting the world’s eye toward the nearest renewable energy sources to quench the rising energy consumption which is posing new challenges to both local and national governments worldwide. We cannot overemphasise the urgency, but of more significance is the issue of environmental-friendliness. The latter being given more weight, the focus towards bio-fuels is particularly intensified

Snippets

1. Bio-energy is the only promising avenue unless we want to continue committing the grave error—philistine pollution.
2. Attaining energy security means we can not only unchain ourselves from dependence on fossil fuels but also realise environmental security and a whole assemblage of other principal development and poverty alleviation goals.
3. It is indeed in line with green technology tune of obtaining fuels that endeavours to eliminate dangerous climate changes and above all strive to reduce dependency on imported oil.
4. Jatropha is drought resistant and less attacked by pests; therefore it can be intercropped easily
5. ‘B” factor, the amount of biodiesel in any fuel mix guides the significance.

Energy is the centre-point of any developing or developed country. Speak of energy, and suddenly auto-mobile and other oil-consuming machineries roll into big picture. The availability of oil, the substantial fossil fuel of the past millennium, is peaking, and consequently its production declining in an alarming rate. This is attracting the world’s eye toward the nearest renewable energy sources to quench the rising energy consumption which is posing new challenges to both local and national governments worldwide. We cannot overemphasise the urgency, but of more significance is the issue of environmental-friendliness. The latter being given more weight, the focus towards bio-fuels is particularly intensified

The future argues that bio-energy is the only promising avenue unless we want to continue committing the grave error—philistine pollution. The advent of world Biosystems heralded the much awaited bio-energy, bio-fuel, bio-diesel just but naming a few. And now a new day has finally come for the likes of soy-beans, rape seeds, mustard, flux, croton and jatropha plants to have their say towards energy security. Remember, if we attain energy security, ladies and gentlemen, we cannot only unchain ourselves from dependence on fossil fuels but also realise environmental security and a whole assemblage of other principal development and poverty alleviation goals.

What is Biofuel?

Bio-fuel, according to Biamah Elijah, Professor in the department of Environmental & Biosystems Engineering, is a solid, liquid or gas fuel that is fashioned organically from biomass by a process called trans-esterification. It is indeed in line with green technology tune of obtaining fuels that endeavours to eliminate dangerous climate changes, attempts to salvage the current economic slow-down, and above all strive to reduce dependency on imported oil. Since bio-fuel production can be implemented anywhere and does not require any special rig, its easy execution processing caters for the following demands and opportunities:-

<!--[if !supportLists]-->1. <!--[endif]-->An option to the depleting oil reserves

<!--[if !supportLists]-->2. <!--[endif]-->Reduction of our foreign exchange by cutting on import costs of oil

<!--[if !supportLists]-->3. <!--[endif]-->Deter climate change and global warming due to carbon dioxide and other dangerous pollutants due to fossil fuels.

<!--[if !supportLists]-->4. <!--[endif]-->Discover and nurture highly-yielding crops that generate highest bio-energy density

Jatropha in the Spotlight

Following a cyclic see-saw by engineers and scientists over the outstanding bio-plant(s), the jatropha tribe took the standing ovation.

This is a special and simple plant which, due to its enormous interest, balances the equation of biodiesel production all in all.

Jatropha is being hailed by all and sundry as a potentially ideal candidate for future Biofuels; and as the only option for Kenya. Let’s imagine like this, suppose we preserve Mau complex for jatropha planting all in a bid to protect and conserve the dear environment, don’t you think this would be a stitch in time: increased vegetation, increased energy! The key is in growing the jatropha to be used as a bio fuel. Once dried out and crushed, the seeds yield oil which can be burnt in almost any diesel engine—with little or no modification. Just as simple as that. More importantly, the plant attraction lies in the fact that it can grow anywhere, even in the poorest soil like in Ukambani-land, needs a very little water to survive and will yield seeds for more than half a century. Good people, what are we waiting for?

The Poison Plant, the Antidote to Desecrated Planet

With the help of Biamah, the Environmental Engineers together with their counterparts from mechanical Engineering, have something in common, something special for Kenya: cheaper and more environmentally friendly alternative to fossil fuel.

As a good kick-off, the department of Environmental Engineering has secured a land with the help of professor, and by the end of this November a thousand of jatropha tress shall be planted.

In India itself, as we speak, has already planted over 11 million hectares. Other countries like Gran Chaco of Paraguay, Mali, Brazil and Singapore are already enjoying the sweet fruits of their sweat clean energy.

Jatropha is just one of a number of possible biofuel plants. However, the elegance is that jatropha is drought resistant and less attacked by pests; therefore it can be intercropped easily with other cash crops such as coffee, sugar, fruits and vegetables without much misery. It doesn’t require a lot of fertiliser yet the yield is higher: Ranging from 1,600—2, 000 kg/ha, which correspond to extractable oil yields of 550—680 litres per hectare.

Its characteristic toxicity is advantageous too. With its deadly inedible seeds and the irritating milky sap from the bark, jatropha is put at a pedestal where no competition of other demands. What’s more, like any other plant, jatropha absorbs carbon dioxide while they are growing, effectively cancelling out the carbon dioxide emitted in the biosphere and cryosphere.

Environmental Arguments

Bio-diesel, ideally made by chemically reacting lipid (jatropha oil) with an alcohol, does not emit carbon or other gaseous emissions that are responsible for global warming. When burnt, the paraffin/diesels release carcinogenic toxins such as benzene, toluene, formal dehyde, acetaldehyde, acrotein and soot into the air; as for bio fuel it’s environmentally safer for ozone protection and use in industrial development. Biodiesel has virtually no sulphur or lead content. And, we shall be good to go the extra mile to allow developing countries like us to be self-reliant rather than depend on Middle East for imports.

By use of a system known as ‘B” factor, the amount of biodiesel in any fuel mix can be stated easily. For instance B20 is fuel containing 20% biodiesel and 80% petroleum diesel, while B100 is pure biodiesel. B20 can be used in unmodified diesel engines, but B100 require specific engine modifications to avoid maintenance and performance problems. Biodiesel has different solvent properties than petro diesel, and will degrade gaskets, require change of fuel filters on engines, use of FKM after switching to biodiesel blend.

ALPHONCE M. MAGATI

7 WONDERS OF KENYAN UNIVERSITIES

KU--exceptional varsity where students burn everything, anything and even themselves as a form of demonstration...
Masinde Muliro--The remarkable place where engineering is taught by Non-Engineering tyro staffs. Just but to mention a few...


SEVEN WONDERS OF KENYAN UNIVERSITIES; Six (6) Marks. . .
GM Son.

After taking a choreographed research, the shockingly leading place where the steamy harmonized constitution has not been read totally, is in our varsities. I tried toying around with this hypothesis, only to collide with the cold fact that students are either reading specifically for CATs & Exams, or in debauchery. It’s ok, no complaint. But with intellectuals, the crème of the society unable to dissect such an important document, then who will? [http:// http://www.magati2020.blogspot.com/ ] The greedy pigs in parliament?
This jolted me going into overdrive to divulge the hidden wonders of Kenyan universities. And the tit-bits here given are absolute truths and personal views as a well-rounded magat in the class of magats:-

(1). the University of Nairobi
MODULES—MWAKENYA—ZEBRA—FACEBOOK
· So far the varsity that has phenomenally more parallel than regular students in the name of “running the university” money-wise. They say it’s academically correct!?
· Is the chief university monumentally known with the inveterate “mwaks”- mania. From Exam cookery to bedroom class the byword is “miss yours miss out”. The rest is …hysteria.
· The locale where students believe it’s the vehicle that is supposed to stop at a zebra-crossing, look its left or right before passing safely lest it risk being knocked dead by the students.
· Has busiest students. Busy in facebook: poking, commenting “we’re the best…” Now, how?

(2). KU
DEMONSTRATION—UNIFORM—NOISEMAKERS
· (Kibera University, Oh! no, no Kuja Uharibiwe) is the exceptional varsity where students burn everything, anything and even themselves as a form of demonstration.
· The only institution introducing uniforms like the garbs for nuns and catechists.
· Hold dear the inclination of writing “noise-makers” in the lecture halls and forwarding them to the VC (the moles-agency 4 Mugenda).

(3). JKUAT
MULTICOURSES—HOSTELS—OBAMAs
· Only where one course is made many courses. Studying different courses in a single mode and a like lectures until graduation. [e.g. they can have, cup engineering, mug engineering, water-in-cup engineering, cup-less engineering]
· Where hostels reek like DDS (dandora dumping site) save for Skyline hostel.
· Still use pit latrines. It’s a biogas plant! Green (leaves) Technology, they say. No need of TPs (no offence)
· Gentle-lads (read Juja boys) impregnate small girls in the varsity outskirts. Invention they call it (another Obama, might come!!)

(4). Masinde-Muliro
DRESS—TYROS—COMPUTER
· The male students wear knife-cut shorts and the ladies put on checkered knee-down dresses. Make-up is prohibited, try one & you are a prostitute.
· The remarkable place where engineering is taught by Non-Engineering tyro staffs. Just but to mention a few.
· Presence or availability of three fully working computers, and no more. One for the undergraduates, another for the dean, and the other for pro.

(5). Maseno
RATIONING—I.T
· Students don’t know what is rationing because they depend heavily on charcoal and firewood for cooking, warming rooms, etc (Lwela Village?) Cylinders are for “sonkos”, i.e. those whose boyfs own “ngware” or “peng’” or men with fishing nets.
· Every student is trained how to use Microsoft Word, Excel, and Powerpoint. That’s I.T…(Information Technology; period) Intellectually trained!

(6). MOI
LINCENTIOUS
· Ranked soaringly immoral place with Annex being… after Moi Avenue’s S.J.
· Their dogmas are: books=sex, and campus=cohabitation

(7). EGERTON
THE CHALLENGE
· The only reason students study “hard” despite the gloomy environment, is anticipation of participating in Celtel Challenge, Oops sorry, Zain Challenge or maybe Celzan Challenge next.
WEUCOST? Varsity?
By Gati Mae Son (Ma-Gati Alphonce)
Reason Cain killed Abel in the Bible: They were roommates, Cain a BA and Abel an Engineer student.
Peace

8-4-4 SYSYTEM, A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY. yes!



8-4-4 discharges



"our education system needs an overhaul. In a bid to tailor full-baked graduates, notes-oriented, and cram-sensitizing quizzes termed as exams, and an obsessive culture of standardized testing should be stopped. Otherwise, the result is a disastrous waste of talent among students. To sense the scale of this disaster, you only have to look at the plummeting value of college degree and the corresponding wastrels. Look at what it takes to acquire a paper (degree): either good looks or good money! It may sound miraculous, like the high school noted above, that a student can read a whole semester syllabus in just two final weeks and pass; but it’s not impossible in Kenya. We can’t pretend that we don’t need a system that drills practical skills; how to rise up to real life challenges. But this can be cultivated and nurtured when the university exams will be open-ended, open-book, open-minded..".

HOW 8-4-4 SYSTEM STIFFLES TALENT & CREATIVITY WITH IMPUNITYhttpThe impunity mercury in Kenya is rising too little too fast. From the depths of classroom with papers to the peaks of Ministry of Education with coffers, impunity is becoming the order of the day. Much as the president’s agenda to fight corruption is perfectly rhetorical, we feel much short-changed when a corrupt minister pigeonholes the call to step-down as a political gimmickry aiming to put him down and walks away with a wagging finger. It further pains Kenyans on realizing that we can’t realize the much coveted vision 2030 if we play around with education. I cannot overemphasize the correlation between food security and good education, but these two are universally principal pillars for any auspicious future for any upcoming nation. The recent two or three incidents of immunity are clear statements, harbinger and iteration of the vicious circle of corruption we yet to meet. Only time and good heavens will tell more.

Technically speaking, I am not at all haranguing because civility and intellectualism advises me to do otherwise, instead I am being part of the solution I want to see. My major concern, though, despite the aforementioned anomaly, is the credibility of our current education system. For the lack of reality check, no questions have been asked, no answers given, and therefore no precise prediction of where our students are headed. Were it not that I am undergoing the same system, I could have easily passed for a rancorous politician manipulating things for egocentric end. But truth be told, our exam-oriented education system is overly wanting. Why? Read on.

Every year our education system discharges nearly over 340, 000 pupils; only 81, 000 are above average (C+ and above), out of which 18, 000 can get government sponsorship in public varsities. This means, by simple math, over 260, 000 students are rendered useless; rather uselessly valuable given our state of economy. The frustration, anger and upheaval etched out of such mishit can snowball into nasty occurrence to these future generations if something is not done expeditiously.

It’s indefensible that Kenyan education system is the most grilling compared to the rest of the developed world, yet it’s the only one fruitless to its protégé. The other day a local school was strutting of finishing a whole syllabus of four years in less than two years. I got lost; how, for goodness sake can that happen? This and many other porous faults, faults like arid approach of teaching, lack of simple application, no life-skills, and encouragement of penultimate cramming speak volumes of how we are in a non-moving lane. But that can be cut and customized for the better of Kenyan students and the Kenya we want. Here is the face of my reasoning.

Like putting all one’s eggs in one basket, it’s dangerous to depend on one final examination as a form of testing intelligence. Instead, KNEC should endeavor to introduce end-year exams for every class; from form one, form two, form three, and form four, which shall then be used to obtain a weighted mean (average). This way we will be eliminating the single-wrong-move blunders that cost life and death. Equally, we will be minimizing impersonations and the choreographed “once-or-never” exam irregularities. Such mistakes leave both parents and students never the same again. The challenge to Hon. Ongeri, therefore, is to respond with immediacy and wisdom of King Solomon.

But the problem doesn’t end there. As far as varsities remain the apple of many Kenyans’ eyes, we are still in the maze. Campus itself is full of losers who can’t make out this or that simply because paper-work is uplifted and talent stifled vastly. My sentiments, stating what should be inevitable and non-negotiable; our education system needs an overhaul. In a bid to tailor full-baked graduates, notes-oriented, and cram-sensitizing quizzes termed as exams, and an obsessive culture of standardized testing should be stopped. Otherwise, the result is a disastrous waste of talent among students. To sense the scale of this disaster, you only have to look at the plummeting value of college degree and the corresponding wastrels. Look at what it takes to acquire a paper (degree): either good looks or good money! It may sound miraculous, like the high school noted above, that a student can read a whole semester syllabus in just two final weeks and pass; but it’s not impossible in Kenya. We can’t pretend that we don’t need a system that drills practical skills; how to rise up to real life challenges. But this can be cultivated and nurtured when the university exams will be open-ended, open-book, open-minded ensuring one applies what one has learnt the whole semester. Not the asking of the plastic repetition of notes but the insight-jolting type of tests. Amen, is what I am hearing from Dr. Sally Kosgey.

Nevertheless, don’t misquote me, waste of creativity, innovation and talent isn’t deliberate but it is systematic. Trapped by education policies, many of which misunderstand the problem as well as the solution, a commercial interest in mass testing is the core value. The catastrophe is that fulfilling the many social, environmental, economic and spiritual challenges we now face hinges on the very capacities of creativity and insight that these systems are systematically suppressing in yet another generation of young men and women.

We are caught up in changing times, where change is a must-have. We are caught up in a cultural and economic revolution, where status quo should be un-kept. To do this, despite the unpredictability, we need to revolutionize the culture of education: Starting from the subjects or course structures to teaching approach and testing styles. Our education should aim at offering real solutions. An education that cannot accomplish this is as good as dead (ours is at its deathbed confessing). The answer, therefore, is to personalize and customize it to the needs of each growing person in the community. It’s not gender, it’s not Facebook, it’s not soap opera floods on our TVs, neither is it the towel issue, nor is it the school-ranking tussle. Simply stated, step by step assessment for high schools, and real-life challenge drills for varsities and colleges is the way forward. After all, grades are not the only success yardstick, there is more. Have a successfully creative day, and you don’t need a retreat to agree on this.

ALPHONCE M. MAGAT

UNIVESITY OF NAIROBI